yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
