accomplished twins. life is a go
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
