it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
