I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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