If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
