my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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