I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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