he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
