I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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