i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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