so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
