Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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