speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
