let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
