Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
