I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize