I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
