Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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