why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
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she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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