She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
