I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
