Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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