The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
