I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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