I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
