So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sober January is a disaster.
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how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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