why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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