dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
