Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
