I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize