she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
