I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
