Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize