You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
