I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
