arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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