my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
