Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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