I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
