I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
