You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
