Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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