My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
