Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
