How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
