Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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