he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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