You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable