He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
