and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.