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can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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