if i can run in heels then i can drive
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on