I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.