I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
