you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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