We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
