Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
