I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
