i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
