She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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