Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
