We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
