i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
