Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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