he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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