Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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