...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
