Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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