dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
