im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
grandma shit on top of the toilet
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize