I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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