So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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