the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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