we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
