You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
