You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
