Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
