i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
