can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
