I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
