Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
