I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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