if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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